I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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