I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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