Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
