I accidentally burped into my bong.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
