Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
