Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My nipple is on Facebook.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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