I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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