i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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