At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
