It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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