that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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