i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
