hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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