i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
