im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
