Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
