I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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