she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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