if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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