I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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