I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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