my sisters under your porch take her home
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
