we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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