That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
