Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
