Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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