I've blown a few things in my day
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
