I'm eating all of the evidence.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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