He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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