I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
