my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
