woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize