I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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