Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
