was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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