is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
