Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
please don't ironically join a cult
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