Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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