good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Please don't give away my fajitas
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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