why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
