wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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