This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
