im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
