this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
