toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
