just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
