Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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