an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
