Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
