I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
