Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
third nipple confirmed
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize