I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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