It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
