I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
