The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
