trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
