I wish I could teleport
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I wear drunk well.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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