...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
