he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
