a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
