Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
