if only i could text you this smell
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
