just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
