woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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