I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
