He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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