I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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