I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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