how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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