but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
