I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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